a story

I am not a happy girl. Everything I do, I do alone. My thoughts are empty, emotionless, alone, and in need of a place. I step into a new life and every new home pushes me out, like a rebound.. I can never find a friend, or a lover, or a sister, or a brother. I need help, I am trapped, within my own mind, and I've words needing to spill out; every second. I cannot seek pencil and paper, or a typewriter, or a keyboard. I can't ever write these horrid thoughts of death down, or depression. It's there, always, thumping to the beat of my heart, pulsing through my veins like my blood. I don't understand what's in my mind, or if I am okay. No one knows what it's like to be in my mind, I don't even know what it's like. I don't understand anything. I don't understand anything about myself, or the world I live in, and no one else does, either. I am locked in a prison, bars made of built counts of rejection. I am not the only one alone here, but I am the only one who is isolated. I am the one bolted out of communication. I am not a real person, sometimes. My dreams are nightmares, my nightmares are real, my waking world is confused with my unconscious mind. I never know if what I am dreaming isn't a dream, but real life. I don't know if I am falling, or if it's just another painful nightmare. It's a rock hitting your spine, breaking your body in half, snapping realization through your mind. It's not easy to live life. It's like a blackhole; it sucks you in,,, but where do you go? You go nowhere, you go somewhere, or you stay put.









uh...... idk ... just kind of made it up... idk wtf this is :|

Did you just write this...?
Is it based on yourself? o_o

kat wrote:nowhere

HE'S A REAL NOWHERE MAN
SITTING IN HIS NOWHERE LAND
MAKING ALL HIS NOWHERE PLANS
FOR NOBODY.

Its sexy :o, the story

@mocha I just said I just wrote this o.o
um idk if it is? its just a story


OMG LMAO ASH lolLOL wow lOL

It is :c doesn't have to have any real point to it to look good.

no, the nowhere man LMAO that was so really irrelevant lol but so funny
anyway thanks :D i just like how i attempt at making words flow together and they do sometimes~ idk

kat wrote:blackhole

Ahem.

BLACK HOLE SUN
WONT YOU COME
AND WASH AWAY
THE RAIN

Ash wrote:

kat wrote:blackhole

Ahem.

RAIN

koff


WHEN THE RAIN COMES
THEY RUN AND HIDE THEIR HEADS
THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD

omfg LOL

Anyway I'll add more...


I got lost inside my head today, just sitting there, zoning into the window. I didn't notice how much time had passed, being sucked into my mind. I was a loner, I realized. I had no friends anymore. What happened to them? I guess they moved on. I guess they had new friends; they didn't need me... Better yet I was nearly antisocial. I began to think of self injuring myself,, and I called my old friend. That was a while ago, but we don't talk often on the phone anymore, just when I need someone. And one time, I called her, I was near crying, and I was making that squeak-before-crying type of voice, and she said to me, "..are you okay?!?" in that awkward "I really don't know what to say!" tone. I knew she cared. I squeaked out, "no..," and I burst out crying. I could hear her comforting me, telling me it's all right, although she had no idea what was wrong. "Is she crying over her family again?", that's what she probably thought about. There wasn't anything wrong with my family. I made that up so I could keep my self inflicted depression to myself. She knew how it felt, but she couldn't sleep deep inside my thoughts and understand the pain. She tried comforting me, she was the best friend I had right now, besides another friend who was near to death, and he was all I had. I was alone, outside of the world. I had friends, I needed them, but now I've lost almost all of them. I might be alone, but in my heart, I have myself. My friend; she told me she'd always be here for me, and she almost cheered me up, I had a quick laugh before bursting out crying again. She told me how she wished she could be there to hug me, to make me feel better, and she knew, deep inside, it would barely help. I knew that as long as I even had her, I could always know that someone out there still cared...




based on a true story right there

:c What true story

lol it's just something else. not to do with me tho. :S

;~;?

Ohh

/cough
I kind of want Mochas opinion now;-; -~-

ughh never mind, ill just write more because i dont need opinions lol.

I know it's not about you, but it reminds me of you o_o

um well its based off of my thoughts so its going to resemble me.. a lot... i mean it basically is about me... except for the 2nd part, that was about my friend that i helped (i was the one on the phone talking to the girl)

Ohh... :/

Ftw

o.o

I slowly pulled the cover over my shoulder, laying over my side. I felt like a stick tossed on a bed. I didn't feel the blanket on my body, with it shaking with the sobs I felt. I didn't feel anything except boiling tears making their way down my face. I didn't even know why I was crying. Was it because I had just injured myself, and it felt good? Was it because of the pain I felt afterwards felt a lot better? Or was it the fact that I called my friend again, and she cried too..? She told me she was eating dinner with her friends, sitting at the table, shaking, with a teacher, and she burst out crying. In front of a group of people, too. The teacher told her to leave my sadness alone, and my friend backed me up.. All through that dinner she tried calling me, I told her I'd call back but somehow I lost the spirit to. Eventually I did, and she was ecstatic. She told me about the experience, how she was on a website for an organization called "To Write Love on Her Arms" and she was on the website, crying, and reading the story she printed out to show me. She was so sad for me, and I was so sad for her and myself. We were both sinking down, me, at a lower rate, and her? I could feel the presence of our bodies entering hell. She was closer to the ground than I was.
The next week I would receive a call from her. She told me she cuts now, her body felt so much better when she did it. She felt alive. I choked on my breath; how could she do this to herself? It's bad enough I have done it, so bad, because I don't like it; and now she has hurt herself. She was seeking help from adults, but I knew it did her no good.

We wanted to save each other from the bottomless pit of depression, we wanted to leave it, but when we started down that path... we knew there would be no going back. We knew the scars from the cuts on our skin would never leave our bodies, and we would have to live with the regret of this pain we caused for eternity.
We knew with the love in our heart that we would not feel love like we used to. We did not know love at the time. We did not know what it felt like to be happy any longer. There was no you, or I, or me, myself, mine. It was we, you, our, us, them, they. It was plural in third person for everything, everything was wrong. Deep in our heart we were wrong. Our heart shatters at everything. We are alone. Nothing can save us, or understand our sadness; or understand what goes on. We may be hurt, we may be affected as the day goes by, but we are strong. We are the weak one. We are alone, but we are together...






I THINK I AM DELIRIOUS BECAUSE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY STORY I WENT FROM SPEAKING ABOUT SOME GIRL AND HER FRIEND TO TALKING ABOUT THE GIRL EXCEPT IN THIRD PERSON LIEK IN ANTHEM BY AYN RAND T______T

Its called changing point of view.

People do that.

I know, I just mean that I did it right in the middle of the paragraph and realized it wouldn't have made sense if I didn't put an enter space... cos I had it all connected then realized that... lol I mean I guess it would have made sense but.. yeah

This is deep... especially cos it's based on real stuff :/